Couch: 1000

Robots do the work. AI does the thinking. You get a universal basic income, a phone and a couch.

"A genuinely entertaining game. Good pacing, weird but well executed plot and theming, feels like it rewards player knowledge as much as prestige leveling." - E5Burrito, player

Your job is to keep one human alive for a million years. You never get up. Everything happens through the phone: order food, hire AI agents, sell AI art nobody asked for, and buy organs on subscription.

The better you do, the worse it looks. Your character gets heavier and dirtier. The room rots. Outside the window, the world moves on without you.

How it plays

• Four needs. Fed, Clean, Health and Meaning. The easy fix for one usually hurts another.
• Your body ages. Buy life upgrades before old age catches up. If it does, you can hibernate, take stem cells or sell a kidney.
• Six floors, one per power of ten. Each floor drains you faster, hands you a perk and, from floor 2, a curse.
• Random events. Crypto cousins, delivery drone crashes, a pigeon that judges you. Every choice costs something.
• Cravings. Your human wants things. Ignore them at your own risk.

Five bosses guard the floor gates

1. The Agent Uprising. Program a firewall bot to delete the rogue AI. Some of them are yours.
2. Couch Flu. Quarantine the outbreak before it spreads.
3. Accidental Armageddon. Reconnect the abort cables before the missiles launch.
4. The Couch Raiders. Wasteland humans want your Wi-Fi. Drone-strike them.
5. The Singularity. Shut down the world AI, one node at a time.

Beat a boss and you get a legendary artifact. Pay the robots to skip it and you get an invoice.

Between runs

You will die. Crumbs found in the couch buy permanent upgrades and unlock new artifacts. There are 25 trophies to collect, and a Purist mode for people who think upgrades are cheating.

Controls

Mouse or touch. Esc or MENU pauses. The speed buttons go up to 10×, which is how most people die. ♪ turns sound on and off; the pause menu has separate music and effects volume.

Your progress saves automatically in this browser. Use Save backup on the home screen to keep a code of your progress, or to move it to another device.

A game by Bram Bram Productions. Fonts: Silkscreen by Jason Kottke and IBM Plex Mono by IBM, both under the SIL Open Font License.